The bride and groom are not usually the only people to take vows on their wedding day. At our wedding, my Dad, who married us, said “Will all of you who witness these promises do all in your power to uphold Emma and Jonathan in their marriage?” (Book of Common Prayer, 425). Everyone said they would, but we have never seen some of those people since! Our fault as much as theirs!

I have been to many weddings and heard myself and Jon respond similarly with a resounding “WE WILL!” but actually the truth is “WE WON’T.” Why? Because we don’t know them well… they move away… we lose touch…they have different values…

I’ve never actually heard anyone respond “No!” at this point in a marriage service, but have still seen entire congregations stand by at a distance as marriages dissolve quietly into separation and divorce. I think that is happening right now in your church, and in mine too.

What do you think would happen if we took the promise we make at marriage services with equal seriousness as the promises made by the couple themselves? I honestly think that husbands and wives would find it less difficult to fulfil their marriage vows.

Why? Well, marriage is meant to be lived out within the context of a rich and diverse Christian community. Just as an individual’s growth in discipleship depends on the investment, support, and at times even the challenge of other wiser, more experienced members of the community of faith, so it should be with the couple’s growth together.

I believe that my marriage finds its ultimate fulfillment as Jon and I reach out to others both within the Christian community and beyond. I think this is the case for all marriages. We are meant to do more for God together than we could do on our own. But sometimes we need people to “BUTT IN” and challenge and question us. In fact, and hear me out on this: I put it to you that the solution for many marital problems you and I know of is not for the couple to get MORE involved in the church. It is for the church to get more involved in them!

For marriages to flourish, couples need the support of Christian friends both in times of crisis AND in ordinary times. It is, after all in ordinary times that the potential for crisis can seed and grow.

So look out with the eyes of your heart today for those in your community who are struggling. Be a haven for those who need a listening ear. Which couples do you need to come alongside you right now? If you are single, who do you go to for your sense of community and advice? If you are married and living life to the full with your partner,are you doing all you can to build up marriages around you? Don’t be one of those people who make the empty promise ‘WE WILL” and then walk away. Marriages are breakable. Even yours.