“Misers get up early in the morning; and burglars, I am informed, get up the night before.” – ‘Tremendous Trifles’
GK Chesterton

What do you do with your time? Are you always rushing here and there but not feeling as though you ‘get’ anywhere? Do you arrive late and have to leave early because your diary is full and your head is even more so?

As I sit at home today, gently tapping on these keys seeing words unfold before my eyes, I feel that time yawns into the distance. Having lived down south where the pace of life is so much quicker, I am still adjusting to these sleepy Northern ways.

Manchester does not seem to get up early, at weekends especially. On Saturday, Jon gave me some time to go shopping on my own to get myself a few clothes. I arrived when the large department store opened. I was the only person there, except for the bleary-eyed staff, for 40 whole minutes. I like it that no-one thinks ‘I’ll get up whilst its still dark and try and clean my car”¦’ up here.

One of the hardest things to be asked to do if you are me is this: ‘Please can you do nothing?’ I rail at nothing. I despise the nothingness of nothing. I bark angrily at nothing. I am a doer. I am an achiever. I am not a ‘let the moment go by’ kind of girl.

So I am struggling right now. Why? Because God has brought me low and taken me to a place where I am a woman without portfolio. Forgive my arrogance, but I think I have realised that I was very good at being arrogant. (At least that may be what God is teaching me? Hard to tell when you are in the thick of it isn’t it?) At any rate, I now have no ‘job’, no specified ‘role’ and no certain vision for the future. Ideas have been floated but not anything really concrete”¦ Maybe you know the feeling?

I know I am a mother and I NEVER take that lightly”¦ But somehow I thought this new season would burst onto me with fresh opportunities like the full flurry of Spring. I recognise that it is only January 13th by the way”¦So there is buckets of time”¦ but I still feel somehow a little odd about this ‘not-knowing’ thing.

I thought it would be different. I thought I would be as busy as an overworked bee, see? But I am learning (the hard and slow way) that sometimes God makes me live in a fallow field. Fallow fields look barren. It looks like nothing is happening. Secretly a lot is going on. They are snacking on nutrients, getting themselves ready for planting. They are developing new soil structures and creating space for new growth. It’s just that they look…well… ugly, bare, dull and lifeless.

So I am waiting in the dark, hoping that secret shoots are coming and that new things are happening. Our pastor has termed 2011, ‘The Year of Surprises.’ I really hope he is right. On my better days I believe it – on my worst days, I hope it. In the mean time I shall care for my family, love my friends, clean my constantly rather dirty home and seek God. I guess that is not totally ‘nothing’ after all?