Today I was afraid. A man came to my house to do some building work. Something about him that I cannot explain made me fearful. I had to gather myself, the children and my belongings around me whilst he was here. He did not say anything threatening or treat me in a menacing way. He hardly spoke at all actually… but I read something in his heart that was connected with something not at all right. Like I say, I don’t even know really what it was. Except an imbalance and kind of darkness…

Sometimes fear is like that. It creeps up on you when you are not expecting it. It ambushes you when you are minding your own business, trying to plod through the day and – suddenly – BANG! – fear arrives like an unwelcome guest, a guest who is then violently sick on your new carpet. You allow it space because there seems no choice. Your mind swims with jumpy, irrational questions at a jumpy, irrational pace:
“What if this is the last time I see that person?.. What if they don’t love me anymore? What if I lose my job? What if I’m robbed?… What if they hurt me?… What if?… What if?…”

Those kinds of doubts and worries suffocated my thinking for a while today and I had to fight to stay above the surface of it all. Sometimes I struggle with the fact that I am a little lady and not a 6 foot man. I don’t always like the fact that I sometimes need protecting and that I’m scared of things I can’t vocalise. (At least I’m not as bad as Elvis. He was apparently… get this….afraid of women with big feet. I can’t compete with THAT boys and girls. But, strangely, I think my Protection Angel worked overtime today.) When Jon came home and I asked for a cuddle to hide in, he gathered the boys round me too. The four of them enveloped me and I felt safe again.

Perfect love casts out all fear. Every last bit.