We had a hard-hitting talk at church yesterday entitled ‘Affair-proofing your marriage.” It’s part of a series we are looking at on the 10 commandments. I can’t remember ever having such a down-to-earth talk on this subject in church before. It was brilliant. Go Anthony!! It got me thinking about how blessed I am to be married at all – let alone to such a man as my husband. I feel in many ways that Jon rescued me from my past and the road that I was going down emotionally. Like God, he took me out of miry clay and set my feet on firm, safe, sturdy ground.

As a young person I was not faithful to anyone or anything for long. I gave up on people, projects and myself incredibly easily. If things did not go to plan, (my plan) I sought a way OUT rather than a way THROUGH. Perhaps you know the feeling?

I think I had more than 70 boyfriends before I met the guy at University who started to help me get sorted. (Steve, I am eternally grateful for your Godliness pal!) I was not comfortable being single for longer than a few days. Looking back, I realise now that I always had another bloke lined up before I put the boot in. I was so scared of not being ‘special’ to someone. I’m not proud of my behaviour. Far from it. But sometimes it helps to be honest about these things. And I really don’t want you to learn the hard way.

It was my attitude that stunk even more than my actions. My thought patterns about myself and others were awful at times. I rated myself as lower than other people, which I hid with quick wit and sharp sarcasm. I attracted some very dangerous men who hurt me badly. The fact that I was still a virgin on my wedding day was nothing short of miraculous. I think I tempted men to want me physically and then pushed them away. I was horrid but then I’d had a lot of horrid stuff happen to me… I feared sex, but seemed to be with people who were addicted to it. They didn’t last five minutes, mind you. What a mess I was!

I am so grateful that Father has healed me of so much of that. Writing those words I am almost incredulous that I am the same person! I have been so changed by God from the inside out. But I am never the sort of person who hears a sermon like yesterdays and thinks ‘That could never happen to me!” You know what? I would never be that arrogant. In fact, I hear a talk like that and get on my knees afterwards and beg God to make me strong enough, wise enough and careful enough for Jon and I to end our lives being married to one another. I actually think that is the healthiest response!

You see, its well documented that people who thought they would never have an affair and don’t protect themselves from it, end up having one, or two. People struggle to find intimacy and fulfillment in their marriage and so begin to look elsewhere. If I struggle to find intimacy and fulfillment with Jon I go straight to God and then to Jon. But often the problem is with me.

My heavenly Father and Jon have begun to teach me, by patiently loving me (whilst fully knowing my faults) to stick with things. I have new-found discipline and faithfulness, but I have some way to go before I would be able to describe myself as a ‘faithful’ person in every area.

But I now have boundaries in my life designed to keep me safe. There are certain things I do and don’t do. One thing I have learnt is the need for brutal honesty. But more on this tomorrow…

(If this issue is something you are struggling with and you would like a personal response please feel free to contact me via the address you will find on the website. I don’t know all the answers but I’m good at the questions. God bless you and KEEP you faithful to Him and those He has called you to love.)

Ems