I read an interesting article today that made me think. It was by Dr Russell Moore, Dean of a Theological School in the US and an author to boot. It was about the dangers of reading Romance novels!! Now one might be forgiven for thinking there was little harm in the odd bit of spicy literature. After all, the good old Snog of Snogs (Song of Songs) is fairly risque in tone is it not, my brethren?!

But listen to this – the author of the article I read, suggested that “whilst pornography and romance novels aren’t (or at least aren’t always) morally equivalent, they can often “work” the same way.”

Sheeesh!

He went on to explain that both are based on a totally fake premise. ‘Pornography is based on the illusion of a perfectly willing, always aroused partner without the “work” of relational intimacy’ and domestic challenge. (How often do you see the hero putting the bins out or having a nose bleed in a rom-com?! Or the female on her period or working her way through her knicker drawer to find them all grey and full of holes?!) Often romance novels (or their chick-flick film equivalents) do the same thing for the emotional needs of women that pornography offers for the erotic urges of men.

In both cases, what the “market” wants is to be the SAME. Men want the illusion of women who look just like (perfect) women but are, in terms of sexual response, just like MEN. Women want the illusion of men who are “real” (perfect) men, but, in terms of a concept of romance, have the understanding of WOMEN.

This is revelatory to me! If we really grasped this fact, a lot of our Christian marriage preparation would be different. So would our Alpha courses!! The world is so messed up isn’t it?

‘In both artificial eros and artificial romance, there is at heart the love of the self, not the mystery of the other.’ Its all about ME, ME, ME…

There is even, of course, the market of “Christian” romance novels. They may not have the heroine sleeping with her partner, but praying instead… but that’s just the point. Oooh. In fact it may even be worse!

How many disappointed middle-aged women do you know? How many wish their husbands were as strong and Biblical as the lead elder or the worship pastor? If we are reading these kinds of things isn’t it inevitable that a little comparison and dissatisfaction kicks in? You look at the man drinking beer and watching the football in your lounge. He is having a cabinet reshuffle (an uneccesary crotch scratch) You are reading about a strong spiritual giant going out early in the morning with his prayer staff and his Hebrew Bible…! The man comes home a couple of hours later, (armed with flowers from an obliging field) and explains in four pithy sentences all that the woman needs to hear from the Lord at that time. Then he makes her a nutritious breakfast…

Ha!

He goes on, ‘Of course I am not morally equating “romance novels” with the soul-destroying addiction of pornography. But it is worth asking, “Is what I’m reading and dwelling on good for me? Is it leading me toward greater contentment with my spouse (or future spouse) or away from it? Is it pointing me towards my partner in one-flesh union or to an eroticised, self-referencial embodiment of my own desires?’

Are we looking for sameness in an unhealthy way, or celebrating the wonderful differences between ourselves and our partner in the way God intended?”

Is your relationship a consistently heavenly mystery or a constantly hellish mirage?
Makes you think, huh?
Perhaps some of us need to rethink what’s on the bedside table?